I'm Different

God won't ever let you get comfortable working for someone else, because you're meant for more.
 
I remember my ex telling me this years ago. The power of those words then pierced me in a deep place. Now after years of trial and error I now know viscerally that those words are not just true, but necessary. I couldn't find comfort because I didn't allow myself to live uncomfortably for the necessary amount of time needed. Now I'm surrendered to that process.
 
So I'm having trouble at both my jobs. I feel old emotions popping up. I want to react violently like before. You mess with me, push me to the edge, I react with the only power that I know. Me getting Ignant. Me trying to talk sensibly only to be ignored by some passive aggressive jerk that only can see their ego's opinion. Since I feel I don't have any power, I depend on the power that I think that I have.
 
                      "Physical Force"
 
Well God is putting an end to this merry go round of mixed emotions. He's showing me myself. Now I see myself getting angry, but I see my anger for what it really is, Fear.
 
Fear of not being enough, having enough, doing enough. I see my dependence on an old mindset that has it's roots in the soil of Anxiety.  I see what's really going on. Anger does not consume me so much where I don't see underneath it's cloak to see it's really just Fear in disguise. Now I see. I can't escape what I know. Time for playing small is over. 
 
That's why I'm not quitting any of my jobs. I'm not going to react with any of my so-called adversaries. I know that they are all coming from within. 
 
"When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you". -African Proverb
 
My only enemies are my memories that I have any memories at all. That's deep, but that's the truth. True spirituality requires that we dig deep into our own backyards. We're so caught up in other folks yard thinking that somehow our lawns will take care of themselves if we take our attention off of them. We're afraid to see ourselves. We take selfies, but fail to see ourselves. We look in the mirror, but we see our shadows and not our essential being.
 
This aggravation I feel right now is not just aggravation. It's a call. A soul call to transformation. My ex was right, I wont be comfortable on any job. This aggravation is a sign that I have a calling to something higher. It's my undeniable proof that I need to hurry up and learn the lesson that I have been putting off, so that I can go to my next dimension.

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The Scale is not the Barometer

Nearly 65 percent of dieters return to their pre-dieting weight within three years, according to Gary Foster, Ph.D., clinical director of the Weight and Eating Disorders Program at the University of Pennsylvania. 
 
Stats vary from study to study, but it's pretty obvious that we as Americans have a weight issue, with over 65 percent of Americans over the age of 20 being considered overweight.
 
I have found that when I have dieted and weighed myself constantly, my weightloss would be short lived. I would easily find a way to eating like an animal, and my training volume would drop tremendously.
 
I was dieting and training to lose weight. The scale was my barometer that told me how successful I was at losing weight. This sounds intelligent doesn't it? Let me be the first to tell you that it isn't. In order to get results that actually stick you have to have more powerful reasons that burn themselves into your soul, and not just tap your ego. There's nothing wrong with weighing yourself, but there is something wrong with changing your life with diet and exercise only to lose weight.
 
What about the reason your overweight in the first? What about your eating and lifestyle habits? Do you get enough rest? Do you exercise daily? Exercise is not just for losing weight. What happens when you hit a plateau and feel as though your exercise regiment is not working? Do you stop exercing? Most of us actually do, I have! We don't think that we need to exercise unless we're trying to lose weight. Being healthy and vibrant aren't our main motivators. We don't think that if we had to be consistent at eating right and working out in order to drop the fat, that we won't need those same skills to maintain our new physique.
 
          " Where the mind goes the body will                     
             follow." - Arnold Schwarzenegger
 
The scale reminds me that I'm trying to lose weight. What keeps me consistent, is me making fitness and healthy eating my lifestyle. With that being my main 'Why', I don't have to worry about my weight. My lifestyle is so healthy and vibrant, and anything that's not a match to health and vitality has to either fall off or change. 
 
 
 
 

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Don't Fight it Baby

I ain't ever going to stop liking pizza, cheesecake, ice cream (Lord have mercy), nor hamburgers to mention a few of my favorite foods. 
 
What to do? These foods aren't friendly towards  my wasteline, but I like them.
 
That's why I don't fight my love of them like the quote say's.
 
I control them. I eat to live instead of living to eat. It's a mindset that gets me to really take inventory on my why's. Namely, why do I want to eat when I want to eat? Am I hungry or I do I just want to eat. Am I eating from my emotions, or am I eating from a biological need? Who's in control here, my mind or my flesh?
 
Did you know that when we get stressed our bodies crave foods with more sugar in them. That's because our cortisol levels rise when we're stressed. In order to bring those levels down the body needs more glucose to do so. 
 
Did you also know that we have candida bugs in our gut. These bugs are more prevalent in people that consume highly refined and processed foods, especially those laced with sugar. The candida has a mind of it's own. They eat, sleep, and poop just like us. Guess, what they love to feed on? You guessed it, foods with high amounts of sugar. This is one of the main reasons we crave junk food. The candida in our bodies are actually craving it, and they are sending signals to our brains tricking us like those cravings are a hundred percent ours.
 
This is why I diet and cleanse. I want as much control of my mind and body as I can get.

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Book Review for 'There's A Jewel In You'

 

No I'm not a pregnant teen Lol, but I did learn something from this great book. It's small in size, but it's big in heart.
 
The title of this small jewel of a book is deeply telling. There is a jewel in each of us. There's a story inside of us waiting to be released. Our stories like these young women from this book are mixed with life's inevitable blows. Our so called mistakes can either be our miracles or simply stay seated as mistakes, depending on how we use them.
 
The secret is in the title of the book. In order for jewels like diamonds to be made. There's a process. A process that involves being pressed and formed. Our lives are the same way, the only difference is, is that we have some conscious involvement if we so choose. We can consider ourselves to be just another statistic, or we can consider ourselves a precious jewel being pushed and formed in the image of something GREATER.
 
That's what these ladies did in this book. They chose another perspective.

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Peace ain't easy

You ain't doing enough. Something is wrong. Hell something is always wrong. We can't get a break. As soon as it appears to be okay, something else happens to threaten our peace.
Why would we ever want to feel totally at peace, when it seems that peace always picks up it's bags and runs away?
Deeper Me: Donald peace is not just a state of mind, it's also a state of being. That's why this is happening for us. It's the Universe's way of allowing us to practice being in peace no matter what our circumstances. It's our way of training ourselves to make Gratitude our first question.
 
"Peace is not determined by what we see, it's determined by what we know."- Donald Jeanlewis
 
What I mean by that is this. When certain things happen we have our initial responses, right. 
 
Me: Yeah..
Deeper Me:. What if our initial response to the unlovely things that just piss us of was "Thank you." What if we asked the question, " What are you blessing me with?" Instead of us getting irritated and in all reality asking ourselves on a subconscious level, why me.  
 
Why not us?
 
Why can't everything be for our highest good?
 
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
 
Sounds familiar doesn't it. We say these verses. We repeat wise quotes from the sages of the ages, but yet the question remains. Do we really believe this stuff, and what are we willing to do with it. Are we willing to sacrifice our built in attitudes and perceptions for a higher perspective? 
 
I am. That's why I'm here. I'm losing myself.....

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